although this title may not be uplifting at first perusal, I use it because I have come to love tears. so often tears accompany pain and at times excitement so it will typically bring an awkwardness to the situation if you are dealing one-on-one with someone or even in a group.
although I’m not the water-works I used to be (thanks Daddy!), tears still tend to be my bodies go-to fluid of expression. better than most others I can think of right?! so I have learned to accept this rather than feel shame for it. as I have come to accept it I have seen more truth about why God gave us this mode d’ emploi for self-expression.
yes it is cleansing. whether we do it or not we know a good cry just lets it all out.
but what I have seen recently is that as I shed a tear or 300 over realizing a limiting belief in my life, I am putting that belief to rest that had become a part of my identity. that process isn’t always easy. there is fear of the new truth being revealed… “can I hold this new truth?” “will there be pain integrating this new truth?” “do I trust God enough yet in my prideful heart to release the old belief?”
I have recently learned that my biggest fear is fear of loss and I have lived my life in pursuit of the proof that I can’t have anything I want. ask me how many times I have lost my keys, wallet, purse, phone, shoes, job, short-term memory, sanity…my husband calls me a vortex. enough said.
so releasing a fear or belief that is an old friend feels like a death to me. the process is usually arduous and frequently long(ish). even my biggest, darkest fear that breaks my heart to have believed is hanging on like a Victorian cob-web.
and yes, I will share that disabling belief. it is one that has removed the Atonement from my life and frame of reference for so long. I believed that one mistake would keep me from returning home to my Father in Heaven. I have consistently tried to atone for my mistakes my whole life. and this has led to such an overwhelming sense of unworthiness that I have blocked myself from any significant success in my life. because yes, we humans run around trying to prove our theories as fact right?
so I am now beginning to see tears as a friend. it is a signal to me in some cases that, no, I am not losing an old friend or a part of me, I am gaining a truth and I have a chance to integrate my Lord’s atonement once a-blessed-gain in my life.
how I came to this belief entails so much more than can be shared on a blog. suffice it to say, losing someone close to my heart threw me into all sorts of confused.
heads up…my focus is bringing paradox back onto my radar so I can learn how to present what I inherently have a gift to understand. if I can have the presence of mind to remember this forum I will post my thoughts over the next few weeks so I can bring it all togther.
cathartic. I love that word!