getting it right one tear at a time

although this title may not be uplifting at first perusal, I use it because I have come to love tears. so often tears accompany pain and at times excitement so it will typically bring an awkwardness to the situation if you are dealing one-on-one  with someone or even in a group.

although I’m not the water-works I used to be (thanks Daddy!), tears still tend to be my bodies go-to fluid of expression. better than most others I can think of right?! so I have learned to accept this rather than feel shame for it. as I have come to accept it I have seen more truth about why God gave us this mode d’ emploi for self-expression.

yes it is cleansing. whether we do it or not we know a good cry just lets it all out.

but what I have seen recently is that as I shed a tear or 300 over realizing a limiting belief in my life, I am putting that belief to rest that had become a part of my identity. that process isn’t always easy. there is fear of the new truth being revealed… “can I hold this new truth?” “will there be pain integrating this new truth?” “do I trust God enough yet in my prideful heart to release the old belief?”

I have recently learned that my biggest fear is fear of loss and I have lived my life in pursuit of the proof that I can’t have anything I want. ask me how many times I have lost my keys, wallet, purse, phone, shoes, job, short-term memory, sanity…my husband calls me a vortex. enough said.

so releasing a fear or belief that is an old friend feels like a death to me. the process is usually arduous and frequently long(ish). even my biggest, darkest fear that breaks my heart to have believed is hanging on like a Victorian cob-web.

and yes, I will share that disabling belief. it is one that has removed the Atonement from my life and frame of reference for so long. I believed that one mistake would keep me from returning home to my Father in Heaven. I have consistently  tried to atone for my mistakes my whole life. and this has led to such an overwhelming sense of unworthiness that I have blocked myself from any significant success in my life. because yes, we humans run around trying to prove our theories as fact right?

so I am now beginning to see tears as a friend. it is a signal to me in some cases that, no, I am not losing an old friend or a part of me, I am gaining a truth and I have a chance to integrate my Lord’s atonement once a-blessed-gain in my life.

how I came to this belief entails so much more than can be shared on a blog. suffice it to say, losing someone close to my heart threw me into all sorts of confused.

heads up…my focus is bringing paradox back onto my radar so I can learn how to present what I inherently have a gift to understand. if I can have the presence of mind to remember this forum I will post my thoughts over the next few weeks so I can bring it all togther.

cathartic. I love that word!

 

 

 

Advertisements

About heart-on-fire8

daughter, sister, wife, mom, friend, business owner, lover of Truth in all it's forms. Degree? No. Specialty? Getting there. Blessed? YES!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s